Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Dating Game -Why Shyness Is Handy

At age fifty-two I'm thirty pounds overweight, my shirts are all wrinkled, and I'm lonely.

Actually, I can deal with the social isolation pretty well, but carrying the weight of two bowling balls in my gut makes me feel either like I'm pregnant or I've doubled my chances of getting a strike in Lane Two. (Maybe I should check the dating scene at "Lovers' Lanes" sometime.) Actually, I took a tentative first step in addressing my atrophying social skills on a well known online dating site. That hasn't gone well, but as awful an experience as it has proven, it has provided me with some pretty nifty material.

I never spent a single penny when I registered my name. That means paying members can inform the company that they've been gawking at my photo, but if I want to return the attention to any of the ladies I'll have to shell out $89.95.

Pardon me. Where I come from, people don't shell out ninety bucks to say something like, "hey, baby. Dig on my casual, unbuttoned-shirt look. Oh, and I'm a Taurus." If I were ever to pay good money for the service, I'd have to follow that up with, "dig how my unbuttoned shirt disguises the flab I'm coating my six pack abs with" or maybe "I'm slimming down until June, so hang onto your pillbox hat!"

It's just as well; the feedback I usually get on the site ranges from the faux sublime to the harsh realities of depravity. Take OrchidGirl's feedback regarding my online profile: "Baby u r sooo fine! r u sugar? Because Im diabetic!" This was confusing to me on multiple levels. First of all, I didn't know whether she was telling me she finds me attractive or that I make her sick. Then there's the issue of getting to read only a portion of her opening sentence; clicking the "read more" prompt doesn't allow me to actually read it unless (of course) I shell out $89.95. I confess that I replied to a woman once with "Rob Adcox Facebook-Roanoke Va" in the hopes that we might be able to escape the cruel confines of the relationship network, but I got a response from the home office telling me to cut it out. The message was intercepted, and "RodeoRandi" was never heard from again.

I'm relatively new to these sites. I usually visit the this one out of curiosity. Maybe there's some cognitive dissonance at work; people shell out ninety bucks, so of course they want their money's worth. The end result is that people like DemiGog feel more driven to meet the right person for them, even if they have to persist with trying to gain attention. The Shoestring, WV native shares "Hey! Why don't you..." before "read more" blocks the rest of her comments. This leaves me wondering whether she's more interested in finding out about me or simply frustrated about the "winks" I keep sending her because they're free.

Like anything, the site is what the clients make of it. As things are a bit tight at the moment, I'm relegated to the cheap seats. And that's okay in the short run. I've never actually met any of the ladies, and I don't think I ever will unless that woman in Florida accesses my address. Then, of course, my entries here will be uploaded via mobile devices from the backside of Callaway where it's safe.

Assuming, of course, that her mom doesn't operate her still there anymore. Her site name is Dooley. She gave me a swaller.

I'll pay her back someday.



  1. I liked the globe developing as well. It creates the tale really exciting. Although this dating games are with three bachelor's, to be sincere, I think it's apparent she will end up with Mal. I would be beyond amazed if she finished up with Nikolai.